Many of you who will read this are connected to me through the animal
world somehow so I would like to share with you my experience these past few years with Nahelah. If a spiritual connection
with an animal is not in your belief system this might not make sense or perhaps it will be something you will consider
someday. Nahelah was my best friend for over 13 years and so I plunged into very deep grief
two years ago when it appeared that he was injured. Right after my Mom was diagnosed with Cancer he began to have
trouble walking. Our Journey became a... hmmmmm "A Magical, Wonderfully Difficult Journey"
I guess bests describes it.
I have watched as he stayed in the
moment not caring that his back end did not respond to his needs to turn around. He would just smile, squeak his toy
and compensate. A great strategy assisting him to be able to stay in his vibrational authentic self
and I so admired that. I would be on my knees feeling the anger of loss, regret, separtation
and other negative emotions that would present themselves again and again. Even thought he was losing
his ability to be here physically it made no bearing on the state he was in.
I learned that when we are in resistance we create a blockage to thriving and receiving, he knew
this for he did not resist any of this not even in his last breath. I would see him slip and at first I would react
negatively and go into fight or flight and then he would be affected by my grief physically so I would clear it. In
the end I would only do that for a second, if that, and come right back into the moment and realize
I could choose not to respond. Then I could choose to give no energy to it, do some EFT, Ignatia a flower essence
and remember what was important and then I would naturally shift back into high coherence. I
realized that Nahelah would be much better when I was in a balanced state. I began to see the ego's
connected to my Joy/sadness /joy/sadness /joy/sadness... I found it very helpful to know what emotions were not
in alignment with my desires? This is when the Mirror cards can be so helpful in finding the cause of the
misalignment.
Nahelah was a little Buddah from day one and his kindness and sense
of humor has supported my Journey for the last thirteen years. He has taken all the classes I taught at home and offered
healing on many clients by gently laying his paw on their foot. The fall before last when he could not walk I went into
a deep grief that was like being stabbed in the heart over and over and so my journey to address these deep feelings
began. I knew we had a special spiritual connection when we would meet in the dream time and then he
would be in a clients Journeys as well. I knew that he would always be connected with me because, that
we are all one and yet this deep pain held me in a grip of what felt like an emotional death. I cried acrid tears releasing
chemicals from my cells as old grief surfaced to be addressed. The sadness of losing him was perpetuated
every time he would crash again physically and lose more control of his hind end. The muscles began to disappear and
he just compensated more and more. The homeopathic Conium was the most help and the essence Trauma Ease and many others.
Watching it was so hard and yet each time I honored it and saw the need for transforming what I felt again and
again and he would balance out every time that I did.
This
Journey makes sense to me yet the over whelming feelings of grief would come quickley and overtake me and
I would run to my flower essences, homeopathy, tapping and all my tools to assist me to release these resistant thoughts holding
me from thriving. Then I would call a friend or ask for prayers, it was an amazing experince to be connected
to so many who love him and me. I thank everyone for their understanding and support.
So here I am and here you are reading this....
so...
MY QUESTION TO YOU IS ARE
YOU SEEING THE BIGGER PICTURE TO WHAT IS HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE IN THIS MOMENT. PERHAPS IT IS NOT ABOUT THE LITTLE PROBLEMS
THAT ARISE BUT IN SEEING THEIR LESSONS AND KNOWING WHY THERE IS LIMITATIONS.
PERHAPS IT IS NOT ABOUT PUSHING HARDER AND MAKING IT HAPPEN PERHAPS ITS
ABOUT STEPPING OUT OF THE FRUSTRATION AND EXHAUSTION AND SEEING WHAT YOU ARE PUSHING AGAINST AND ASKING...
"HOWS IS THAT WORKING FOR ME?"
PERHAPS IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT'S RIGHT OR WRONG BUT WHAT IT FEELS LIKE NOW...
PERHAPS IT ISN'T ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE PHYSICALLY REACTING
TO
BUT SOMETHING UNRESOLVED THAT IS
THE ACCEPTED SAME OLD SAME OLD....
When
intending for change...
limitations
arise to be changed...
so your intention
can manifest...
Sadness usually appears when its time to let go of something... a perspective,
a relationship or a job. Tears rise in sadness because they naturally flush and release neurochemicals
in the body. When your tears are acrid you are releasing chemicals that create your emotions that have been held
in the neurochemicals in your cells. When we stay in an emotions for a long time our chemical system begins to create
the chemicals needed naturally. This forms a pattern that can be challenging to change. When we are in resistance
we are energy to what we do not want. If it is not positive we drop our frequency down which can put us into what
we call Low Coherence. Low coherence = disorganization of the cortex of the brain energetically, disconnection from instincts,
intuitiveness and any spiritual guidance you believe in. This takes you from vibrating at your authentic self where
you can thrive. It also disorganizes your energy system which is why we get so tired after we get in low coherence/upset.
This is where fear, anger, unworthiness, sadness and other negative emotions get activated. This is because we active memories
at the same level of peace or frustration that we are in. So in Low Coherence you are not thinking clearly, intuitive
or aware and you get really tired afterward. In High Coherence you are vibrating in a pattern of peace and you get there
through having gratitude.
I learned through all of this
that I needed to be in high coherence for Nahelah as I noticed immediately as soon as I went into frustration and
was in Low Coherence he had a hard day. When sad but in High Coherence (in gratitude) I could cry and he would release
along with me often with tears coming from his eyes it was amazing. The next day we would both be better, my telling
him to just let me know when it was time and that he could have whatever he wanted and he would smile and say I
know... for months sleeping down stairs and never saying no to cookie requests.
For me my crying restored flow and restored balance in many ways. I knew if I did not
release the old patterns that are not supporting my Sacred Journey I can expect a challenge, as there are
many ways to learn/evolve. To change limiting emotions something needs to be transformed or released and something then needs
to be restored that would be the cause.
Our level of grief
is determined by how attached we have become to what we have lost. Tears do help wash it away and cleanse us... The other
option is to shut my heart down and not feel this pain..... or anything else.
LESSON
I have witnessed too often people holding back tears
that has lead to despair, depression and even physical illness.
DEPRESSION IS WHAT WE DEPRESS
ANXIETY IS PUTTING TOOOOOO
MUCH ENERGY INTO SOMETHING...
I feel as if this experience was a mirror and opportunity to assist
me to see what needed to be changed so I can transform it. It is all about clearing what prevents me from thriving
to me now. It is no longer about it or them but my response to the experience or to them that I am concerned
with. It is the only way I can make the changes. If I make it about them I become unable to shift and thats where
the resistance comes in. How could I continue to choose to do that which would hinder the joy becoming
more? I needed to deepen my joy as the grief diminished, that was my new commitment to myself. I realized
that I needed to find joy in this moment not wait until this was all over... whatever that means... and so I began my
journey. Awareness is always the first step so I did some card readings asking the angels and the animals to give me messages.
And they all answed my call.
It was my Shamanic way of life and
by that I refer to core Shamanism which to me is living as if all is connected consciously evolving through a connection to
the sacred. I began to have memories and dreams about the Shamanic Apprenticeships I had offered for years with hundreds of
women. The experiences were so expansive and supportive and people from those apprenticeships began to call me to reconnect.
I felt like I was really shifting into another way of seeing,
I also felt I desired something SACRED like Nahelah was to me to be able to find balance and joy. This experience,
along with my intention, required I move through my sadness and release it from my body and emotional systems
so I could move into joy. No one has ever died of sadness (I say "really?") to this while on my
knees losing my best friend) yet many people fear it and choose not to cry, transform or release it. To depress therefore
becomes depression and illness. Sadness is a response to pain and pain is a reaction to sadness. You
have the choice to change it, manage it or ignore it until it manifests as a disease or emotional imbalance.
You can become stronger by transforming the experience into a gift in other words "Use It".
You cannot do this in your head it is in your heart and spirit that it occurs. Your heart needs to send
messages to your brain which then tell your body to release the neurochemicals needed to shift the imbalance.
Many people cringe when another cries and some will do anything to get them
to stop, then there are those who cry all the time trying subconsciously to release the resistance created by a subconscious
reaction to a past experience. Resistance takes us into low coherence like going from FM to AM. We are the master of
our state of Coherence or not, it is always our choice. If I can do this while losing Nahelah I know I can do this anytime
anywhere now. Thank you Nahelah! You have illuminated the pathway to more joy for me.
In my Guided Creative Visualizations that I offer
to others in my private work I often will guide people to visit Hawk. To visualize themselves flying upward and sitting
on a branch with hawk and using hawks keen observations skills to assist them to see the broader picture. Hawks have
very keen observation skills and see the whole picture this is thier gift. Interesting the that the Red Shoulder
Hawk showed up for me connect with and to photograph.
Shoulders represent responsibility and when they are uncomfortable or presented to
me I find really did not want to be responsible for something here it was making the decision of calling
the vet to assist with Nahelah's passing. This clearing has allowed me to become neutral to an old situation
that was bringing up fear. I found it had to do with me as a kid experiencing a puppy dying in
my arms on the way to the vets. Something that was never spoken of, I worked and lived on a farm with hundreds
of animals and never witnessed a death in those 10 years (intention organizes its own fulfillment when you keep your
attention on your intention). As Nahelah ended his journey here I knew these old set ups of fear needed to
be transformed so when it was time I could be light enough to be there for him in a sacred way.
There are other aspects of my life I was consciously choosing to
change involving responsibility and sadness. I always know I need to begin to observe and pay more attention
to the "whats creating the resistance" and to what is happening on a deeper level when hawk
shows up. So I go inward and find amazing things as I open deeper to spirit and walk through the doors.
My life has come full circle in many ways to assist
me to be more in my power now. I can help people and animals who need support
differently, being homebound with Nahelah I supported the animals differently and have found where I need to give.
I see now the future with a direction and intention that aligns with who I truly am. During this time I was a part
of Black Feather Horse Rescue in Plymouth rescuing three nurse mare foals. Seeing foals without Moms was difficult for
me having been intentionally taken away for selfish reasons was really painful to see. It activated
more sadness and also old grief... my favorite saying.... "use it" comes to mind so I
used this experience of the foals to go deeper in sadness, this time from the separation of mother and foal.
Because I got sad then Nahelah would physically crash and that would activate more deeper sadness. As
it began to clear I saw how this grief was standing in the way of my intentions and his balance more and more.
I allowed deep feelings of loss and grief to surface to be transformed.
I understood I was also reacting from past unresolved grief and so I used my tools to transform those physiological set
ups and I would feel lighter and Nahelah would brighten and he would compensate so he could walk. It took
minutes to change it when it came up. I did an amazing Breathwork session with Paula and Chris Easton (they will be coming
to offer sessions soon) and that made me aware of so much more. Each person I went to see helped me differently.
Dragging his back foot more and more as his muscles seemed
to disappear he never stopped squeaking his toy or smiling until four hours before be passed. I was
clear that in order for my intentions for the future to manifest I am required to release this
old grief. The process of losing Nahelah, my Moms cancer, Alpacas, Orphaned babies and other experiences that manifested
all assisted me to find where I needed to be.
I believe that Conscious Awareness on our Spiritual Journey is a part of
the process of our evolution as a Soul. For me this explains everything that happens and supports me being in neutral
so I can promote change in a way that raises vibration. For some this is not required on their journey... It has
not been a choice for me, when I do not listen to my heart I end up having a low coherence experience because when
I am in resistance I am not vibrating with who I am so. My spiritual journey gives reason for all my experiences
and challenges and creates my ability to consciously create my life. I really want to master
this now and joy is a big part of it.
I am sharing this story intending that those who are
ready to begin a conscious spiritual journey here
can
remember to see through hawks eyes again...
It
is much like peeling the onion...
As you read my
story relate it to yours...
You have
the opportunity to rise above your situation
and
see through hawks eyes...
It is called
choice...
Animals in need have been showing up since Nahelahs first leg issues,
first it was dogs, alpacas and then the foals all creating a connectedness and confirming my vision that we can
do great things if we can all come together. The together part is key and my intention has always been to bring
people together because "We may not have it all together but together we have it all". If everyone can do a
little we can create amazing things and when people all come together it can mean big changes. I see that in the past
people have tried to change nurse mare foals but not all together. I wonder what will happen if all the
groups join together? I intend to find that out as I step in joy and find the way...
Through all these animals being placed on my path I was stepping into
something wonderful. Seeing how people respond when someone put out the call for help was amazing. What
I keep seeing is people wanting to help but not knowing what to do or how to do it and those running the rescues
not able to take anything else on... especially coordinating others. It was disappointing in many ways seeing
people wanting to help but not finding or being given a comfortable way to share. It was so
amazing to see what this brought up in others and I knew where I felt disappointed were the places
I needed to investigate.
Next I needed to find a way to make
a change for the foals and mares that suffer so. So I began the next journey in finding how to change this and could
not find many options. Research has revealed to me that there are two options change the laws which means educate the
people so they can be aware and will call and sign petitions and to change the way the nurse mare farms are
run. Nurse Mare farms are farms that supply breeding farms with mares to nurse the Tb mares foals worth alot
of $'s, so they can go to another farm to be bred. This is because their breed will not allow artificial
insemination. There have been many pleas and law suits against these breed organizations and they have lots of money and those
opposing do not. I have been shown and believe that changing the laws will ultimately make them change their ways.
This is done by state and starts with people calling, writing, posting, sharing and writing petitions and having them signed.
For the petitions I suggest you go to the web page Care2 and sign as many petitions as you can for that is an amazing easy
way to make the changes you desire to be changed. I have placed this site on my tool bar and every day now I start my
day signing a petition. If everyone signed and called it could change quickly. I truly believe we are entering
a time when if we all come together we can change things in peace and power. I am so excited to move forward to promote
change and also help people find easy ways to support positive change. I also have conncected with some people from the
days of being connected with The American Horse Portection Assoc and others. I will have more on this later.
I chose....
To experience
his death when it was his time and to hold the space for him to soar on his Journey. It was
such a Sacred experience for me. Nahelah has always been a lover, a gentleman, a joker, and a healer.
I supported his flight home in love and with brightness.... and clarity.... not in panic
or fear, not in regret or anger I didn't want to cling or beg for him to stay or come back. I gracefully
and lovingly said
"Fly.... Nahelah I will
always love you.... "
And I meant it.... it was my choice...
It was so Freeing
New life is something we need at times in our life to
balance out the endings of a life we have known and is passing. I have been given the gift of the awareness of allowing,
it is so important as we go through emotional experience that asks us to stretch. We cannot resist and move
past our limitations if nothing changes. I am grateful for the lessons and people whom have supported me and my
community of animals friends and all I have learned and continue to learn how to make it better. Right now I am focused
on Nahelah and my own challenges and know when it all balances out again I will focus on change.
This has been one of the
hardest winters for me being my time to experience grief on many levels as my beloved Nahela's back legs began to give way.
It would be 2 years in Sept since he got up from laying on the back stairs and could not walk. He recovered and
through using everything that I know and research I have been able to keep him pain free and happy. For me thought it
has been a great challenge never knowing if he might not be able to get up. I have allowed and released and when
really stuck used the tapping, regression, may visualizations and journeys and all I know to stay in a place
of gratitude and support his balance. Knowing what I know and communicating with him has created a very sacred journey
touched with sadness. His staying has allowed me to see him shining in the moment because he can, and squeaking that toy and
smiling because its time to go and do the chickens. He compensated every time he would lose more control amazingly
coming from "I need to call the vet" to "he is back moving again" sometimes weekly. He never stopped
trying and I admire that. I have never lost an animal this slowly and I neeeded to find joy and be
in the moment with him or I affected him. This meant I had to release or transform the frustration, fear and anger
that arose, because of the force of my feelings I knew it was old if not ancient. It has held me in a lower
vibration and this is my opportunity to soar again. His gift is sacred to me because he is in my dreams
and visions and has always been in my spiritual world since we first meet in a journey. Shamanism has given me
the tools to make the changes and the awareness to recognize the lessons. It has served me and Nahelah well my ceremonies
and journeys have been my guides. Our agreement is that he will not have wheels and he will let me know. Bring
on the ignatia, rescue remedy, 5 flower, release, rose quartz elixir and my crystal bowls, drums and other
tools. I experienced great grief I cried many nights in the darkness feeling the separation and pain and loss of
someone that I love deeply. Then I came back to joy.
Nahelah chose to leave this Earth the evening before it was predicted by someone that the
world was to end and that made me smile. He went down in a matter of 4 hours and the it was divine and as he released I didn't
feel pain just Love. I spent the night crying and at one point went on line and was looking at pet.com I knew I wanted
a poodle... doodle something so I went to a few sites. I sent a couple of emails and with great lonelyness went to be.
A friend of mine called first thing in the morning to tell me she had a dream about a brown puppy
with funny ears and as I was talking to her I saw an e-mail and opened it and there were brown goldendoodles pice of pups.
She said she was coming to get me and drive me to that breeder in CT to see them. I admit to saying 'I do not do well
dogless" and really do not like being without a canine companion. So I am excited to see the dogs and if it is a goldendoodle
I like then I would find a brown one on-line... this is my feeling... I get there she gasps when she sees them and I
am handed a wiggler male puppy three weeks old. I hand him back and ask to hold the most docile one and he melts into my hands.
You can see the pic in my summer newsletter.
He has these little flaps for ears
and when his head drops back far enough they flip up and he can hear more so he opens his eyes and I look directly into
his eyes and he winks at me. Which would have been fine if the three people standing there had not seen it... I ask him if
he wants to come home with me and his paw waves three times and now everyone who saw that is laughing out loud instead of
smirking... So lets talk resistance... I intended to help a rescue. I left there tapping and going back and forth but I bought
him and named him Sacred. Well because I know now there were many reasons why I connected with his breeder and he is an amazing
dog. To defer guilt I placed three working dogs in a place I am sure they think is heaven and found three people to care for
5 dogs so they didn't get put to sleep while their owner is healing. When I picked him up on his file was his name Sacred
Bond...
Thank you Nahelah I know you made this happen for me and he is the most
precious spirit and thank you for your presence.... and guidine me...
Because
of all this I am going to be offering more Shamanic Gatherings and Apprenticeships...
